it's been almost a full year.
I cried for the first time.
Really cried.
It came at me out of nowhere.
After work, clothes shed, I open my drawer of nighties.
there is a beautiful lavender folded neatly on the left.
I don't think about anything, I simply grab it and close the drawer.
I pull it over my head and for a moment I am standing in her bedroom
the scent is overwhelming
the only word i can use to describe the scent is clean. it's not flowery, it's not chemical, it's just her.
And it knocked me on my ass
i fell back onto the edge of the bed
pulled the nightie up to cover my face and breathe her in
and cried
and i knew she was in the room with me
while i cried.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Gulp
My twelve year old daughter has taken to standing in the shadows and staring at me with a Huge grin on her face until I notice her. At which point, I am usually scared to pieces.
Loads of fun!
-susan
-susan
Saturday, July 13, 2013
ramblings of a crazy lady
I'm sitting here on a Saturday morning.
My house is a wreck.
But a wreck is its regular state.
Even after I clean it, it takes less than a day and it's a wreck again.
I wonder what particular gene other people have that I do not. The gene that makes your house presentable to drop-in-company at all times. The gene that provides for a steady routine of having the kitchen clean before you go to bed at night as opposed to waking up to it in the morning. Or the gene that keeps the dining table always perfect instead of having to be cleaned off each time you want to sit for a family meal.
I have a red tip photinia bush outside my bedroom window. It is almost as tall as the house and it provides a bit of privacy in front of my bedroom window. This way I can open the blinds for the light but not worry about the neighbors knowing the color of my nightie. At the beginning of summer, I trimmed it exactly the way I wanted it with my new battery powered chainsaw. I could walk under the bowing limbs to go around the corner of the house for the water house and water the flowers in the front box. Did I mention it was exactly the way I wanted it?
Well my husband and my eldest apparently worked in the yard this week and decided it wasn't exactly the way they wanted it. I no longer have that beautiful bowed limb to walk under every other day to get the water hose. And the cars that drive by have a great line of sight directly into my bedroom. And it fills me with an inordinate amount of anger and disappointment...which is added to the list of reasons I'm making an appointment next week with someone to talk to.
I think I have a lot of build up that needs to be discussed. I think I am fine and then I open my mouth and nothing good comes out. I don't even realize it until I've stopped talking and I think to myself, geez...everything you say sounds like you are constantly bitching. Which, of course, I am.
Then I try to make up for it and sound manic.
Yes, it's time to speak with a professional and see what's going on.
What is really hard to understand is that when I do my meditations regularly, I am not this way. But I haven't meditated in two weeks. So does the meditation suppress the problem? Is it like taking a drug that keeps me sedated? Is it a form of not dealing with my feelings? Or is all of life just a matter of perception.
My sister recommended a movie to me, Into the Wild. I watched it last night. Great music by Eddie Veder. His voice is like lava. hot. It was a good movie. I liked it. It was based on a true story, about an idealistic kid who read a lot of Thoreau and wanted to get away from society and spend some time in the wilderness alone. He travelled across the country meeting different people and working odd jobs to get him a little further down the road. He ended up hiking into Alaska for four months and starving to death. It seemed like such a waste. He seemed like such a smart kid to do something so dumb. And although the movie kind of romanticized it all, it didn't seem very romantic to me.
Well everyone is up now and I am going to make a cup of coffee and join the others on the patio. I hope you have a good weekend and get everything accomplished that you want...even if that means just sitting in your chair and doing nothing.
peace and love,
susan
My house is a wreck.
But a wreck is its regular state.
Even after I clean it, it takes less than a day and it's a wreck again.
I wonder what particular gene other people have that I do not. The gene that makes your house presentable to drop-in-company at all times. The gene that provides for a steady routine of having the kitchen clean before you go to bed at night as opposed to waking up to it in the morning. Or the gene that keeps the dining table always perfect instead of having to be cleaned off each time you want to sit for a family meal.
I have a red tip photinia bush outside my bedroom window. It is almost as tall as the house and it provides a bit of privacy in front of my bedroom window. This way I can open the blinds for the light but not worry about the neighbors knowing the color of my nightie. At the beginning of summer, I trimmed it exactly the way I wanted it with my new battery powered chainsaw. I could walk under the bowing limbs to go around the corner of the house for the water house and water the flowers in the front box. Did I mention it was exactly the way I wanted it?
Well my husband and my eldest apparently worked in the yard this week and decided it wasn't exactly the way they wanted it. I no longer have that beautiful bowed limb to walk under every other day to get the water hose. And the cars that drive by have a great line of sight directly into my bedroom. And it fills me with an inordinate amount of anger and disappointment...which is added to the list of reasons I'm making an appointment next week with someone to talk to.
I think I have a lot of build up that needs to be discussed. I think I am fine and then I open my mouth and nothing good comes out. I don't even realize it until I've stopped talking and I think to myself, geez...everything you say sounds like you are constantly bitching. Which, of course, I am.
Then I try to make up for it and sound manic.
Yes, it's time to speak with a professional and see what's going on.
What is really hard to understand is that when I do my meditations regularly, I am not this way. But I haven't meditated in two weeks. So does the meditation suppress the problem? Is it like taking a drug that keeps me sedated? Is it a form of not dealing with my feelings? Or is all of life just a matter of perception.
My sister recommended a movie to me, Into the Wild. I watched it last night. Great music by Eddie Veder. His voice is like lava. hot. It was a good movie. I liked it. It was based on a true story, about an idealistic kid who read a lot of Thoreau and wanted to get away from society and spend some time in the wilderness alone. He travelled across the country meeting different people and working odd jobs to get him a little further down the road. He ended up hiking into Alaska for four months and starving to death. It seemed like such a waste. He seemed like such a smart kid to do something so dumb. And although the movie kind of romanticized it all, it didn't seem very romantic to me.
Well everyone is up now and I am going to make a cup of coffee and join the others on the patio. I hope you have a good weekend and get everything accomplished that you want...even if that means just sitting in your chair and doing nothing.
peace and love,
susan
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Last Night's Dream
It was night and I was standing outside a house, looking through a window at my sister, Julie, sitting at the kitchen table. She was on the phone, talking to our other sister, Michelle. And in the way that dreams are strange, I could also see Michelle. They were talking about me. According to their conversation, I had recently died. I was 21 years old.
I felt a pull. An energy bigger than myself was pulling me away from the window. I knew it was time to go.
I put my hand on the window and quietly whispered goodbye.
I turned around and I was pulled into the sky and everything went black.
I opened my eyes and I was looking down at my hands on a desk. There was a piece of paper in front of me and a pencil in my right hand. A female teacher at the front of the class said to write our names on our papers. My hand starting writing without my minds permission. It wrote the name Angelia, quickly, as though this hand had written this name thousands of times before. It then wrote an N....and as my mind took control of my hand, I turned the pencil over, erased the N, and wrote Cogar.
Was that a cool dream or what?!!
peace and love,
susan
I felt a pull. An energy bigger than myself was pulling me away from the window. I knew it was time to go.
I put my hand on the window and quietly whispered goodbye.
I turned around and I was pulled into the sky and everything went black.
Was that a cool dream or what?!!
peace and love,
susan
Monday, May 27, 2013
Sweet Nothings
I have an eleven mile, beautiful drive to work through the countryside. A field of cows, a field of sheep with a lone donkey, some mornings I can drive eight of those miles without seeing another car.
Last week they were working on the road. About half way to work, I had to stop with three cars and wait for the crew to let us pass. As I was sitting and waiting, my attention was drawn to the car in front of me. It was an old blue cadillac, big as a boat. The driver was an older man, wearing a cowboy hat, Junior Brown style.
When the car came to a stop, I got a glimpse of a Walker hound when she sat up for a few seconds in the front seat. As we continued our drive in to town, the hound laid down and the man would turn his head toward her on the front seat and would speak to her and he was even singing to her at one point. It was very endearing and I couldn't stop smiling. When we got to the stop sign at the other end of my usual morning commute, and I saw him leaned over sweet talking his companion, it dawned on me that something may be wrong. I then had thoughts that he was talking her into holding on, that she was surely sick and he was taking her to the vet on the other side of town. So as he drove past the street that I work on, I continued to follow him, I had to know if he was stopping at the veterinarians office. And sure enough he does! I pull into the Shell station and I park so I can see through the bushes. I think to myself if he carries her into the office in his arms then it's bad, it's real bad. But maybe he's just coming for a shot, or some flea medicine, or...or.... Then he get's out of his car, he's wearing starched jeans and tucked in shirt with a belt and boots. He walks around the car and there is another car blocking my view, so I wait with bated breath for about twenty seconds. Then I see he has her on a leash and he leads her to a little patch of grass so she can tinkle. She is tail wagging happy. And why wouldn't she be when she has a handsome fella to sing to her on the way to the doggie doctor?
With my morning stalking complete, I put the car back on the road and continued on to work.
Peace and Love,
susan
Last week they were working on the road. About half way to work, I had to stop with three cars and wait for the crew to let us pass. As I was sitting and waiting, my attention was drawn to the car in front of me. It was an old blue cadillac, big as a boat. The driver was an older man, wearing a cowboy hat, Junior Brown style.
 |
| distinct style |
With my morning stalking complete, I put the car back on the road and continued on to work.
Peace and Love,
susan
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Be Ready
Myself has been slowly slipping away over the past month. I can't put my finger on exactly when it started moving away from me, only that the past two weeks it has been very apparent that I am no where nearby.
I signed up for a retreat this morning. It's a TM retreat NW of San Antonio at the end of the month. I need a tune up. I am very excited about it and can't wait to share with you my experiences and I hope to have myself back by that time.
One of the benefits of TM is learning the difference between your mind and your spirit. When I was younger, I thought my mind was my spirit. Boy, was I dumb. Ha, I ain't like that no more. (one of my favorite Bette Midler songs). It's very beneficial to me when my mind starts talking crazy stupid noisy meaningless garbage to be able to 1) know those thoughts are simply neurons and electrical impulses 2) they are not me, they are not my spirit and best of all 3) I can quiet the thoughts and plug in to my spirit.
Have you ever heard anyone call the television an idiot box? Truth right there. But sometimes I feel like my mind is an idiot box. It just goes round and round and comes up with nothing but noise. Just noise.
I've started watching an HBO Series called The Big C - hereafter. I watched the season premiere last night and it had so much truth in it that I cried a little bit. I look forward to watching more. Truth is good. Why is it sometimes others can voice our truth better than we can? I mean, I felt those same things, but wasn't able to verbalize it or even write it here in my safe, truth zone. Isn't it interesting that someone else could be holding your truth right now and they and you don't even know it. Not until you hear it in their dialogue, or hear it in their music, or see it in their art, or see it in their eyes. And when you see it, don't deny it. See it for the truth it is and claim it if it is yours. Be ready.
Peace and Love,
Susan
I signed up for a retreat this morning. It's a TM retreat NW of San Antonio at the end of the month. I need a tune up. I am very excited about it and can't wait to share with you my experiences and I hope to have myself back by that time.
One of the benefits of TM is learning the difference between your mind and your spirit. When I was younger, I thought my mind was my spirit. Boy, was I dumb. Ha, I ain't like that no more. (one of my favorite Bette Midler songs). It's very beneficial to me when my mind starts talking crazy stupid noisy meaningless garbage to be able to 1) know those thoughts are simply neurons and electrical impulses 2) they are not me, they are not my spirit and best of all 3) I can quiet the thoughts and plug in to my spirit.
Have you ever heard anyone call the television an idiot box? Truth right there. But sometimes I feel like my mind is an idiot box. It just goes round and round and comes up with nothing but noise. Just noise.
I've started watching an HBO Series called The Big C - hereafter. I watched the season premiere last night and it had so much truth in it that I cried a little bit. I look forward to watching more. Truth is good. Why is it sometimes others can voice our truth better than we can? I mean, I felt those same things, but wasn't able to verbalize it or even write it here in my safe, truth zone. Isn't it interesting that someone else could be holding your truth right now and they and you don't even know it. Not until you hear it in their dialogue, or hear it in their music, or see it in their art, or see it in their eyes. And when you see it, don't deny it. See it for the truth it is and claim it if it is yours. Be ready.
Peace and Love,
Susan
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Ode to JOJ
James Odis Johnson.
I've known Jamey since I was 20 years old and went to work for the lab. He was a lab supervisor and I was the secretary. We didn't really work together much at the beginning. We were all so young. The lab techs used to call him Dad. It was an exciting time with the company; a time when the supervisor would not go home until every last field tech had come in off the road; a time we worked together as a team, when you did your job, and then helped everyone else until it was all finished. I typed reports on a typewriter, I ran TSS's, I knew how to take off and calculate BOD's; we were more of a family then.
When I'd been here a few years, Jamey and I started working more closely together on reporting. I finally had a computer to do my reports, and Jamey checked those reports. I know his signature as well as I know my own. We were both easy going and we worked well together. He liked to make things easy for people. He laughed alot.
The years passed, we all got older, our children got older. Jamey was very proud of his children. All three graduated from college, his son has plans to get married. When they all moved out, things got a bit rough for Jamey. The past three to four years haven't been so good for him. He was unhappy all around and couldn't seem to find himself. Using all the wrong tools to look. He was lost.
When work gets muddied with people you love, it gets hard. Not impossible, but difficult for sure. In the end, he left the company. Only two months ago. He died Wednesday morning.
I will remember the good times.
I've known Jamey since I was 20 years old and went to work for the lab. He was a lab supervisor and I was the secretary. We didn't really work together much at the beginning. We were all so young. The lab techs used to call him Dad. It was an exciting time with the company; a time when the supervisor would not go home until every last field tech had come in off the road; a time we worked together as a team, when you did your job, and then helped everyone else until it was all finished. I typed reports on a typewriter, I ran TSS's, I knew how to take off and calculate BOD's; we were more of a family then.
When I'd been here a few years, Jamey and I started working more closely together on reporting. I finally had a computer to do my reports, and Jamey checked those reports. I know his signature as well as I know my own. We were both easy going and we worked well together. He liked to make things easy for people. He laughed alot.
The years passed, we all got older, our children got older. Jamey was very proud of his children. All three graduated from college, his son has plans to get married. When they all moved out, things got a bit rough for Jamey. The past three to four years haven't been so good for him. He was unhappy all around and couldn't seem to find himself. Using all the wrong tools to look. He was lost.
When work gets muddied with people you love, it gets hard. Not impossible, but difficult for sure. In the end, he left the company. Only two months ago. He died Wednesday morning.
I will remember the good times.
They Grow Up Fast!
She's going to be twelve this summer. She puts on makeup at home, and has gotten around the rules a couple times and worn some at school. She shares clothes and shoes with her 21 and 23 year old sisters. She has A's in school and one B. Don't dare ask her if the B is in math or science, that makes her indignant that one would assume it is math or science that would be her troubling subject.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Yippee!
I am coming to you this morning from my back yard. The house is still asleep as they had a late night at the Supercross races. But the birds and I are bright and cheery in the morning sunshine!
Whilst they were away yesterday, I had a couple friends over to do a "little" yardwork.
And there has been an amazing transformation take place on my tiny piece of property.
It's like a blank canvas, just waiting for an artist's brush.
I get to be the artist!
Do I want green grass to grow there? Do I want azalea's here?
What am I doing just sitting here typing?!
I must create!
Whilst they were away yesterday, I had a couple friends over to do a "little" yardwork.
And there has been an amazing transformation take place on my tiny piece of property.
It's like a blank canvas, just waiting for an artist's brush.
I get to be the artist!
Do I want green grass to grow there? Do I want azalea's here?
What am I doing just sitting here typing?!
I must create!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Bits and Pieces
I'm listening to Billy Joel's greatest hits at work today.
It brings tears to my eyes.
He really has a way with words.
Not for Billy Joel, mind you.
Subject Change:
I heard a quote to live by this week. It goes like this:
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
Isn't that simply brilliant?
How many times have we been in a relationship thinking if we just hang in there, they will change, things will be different, just a little longer. Well this is your get out of jail free card. When someone shows you who they really are, by their actions...and they will...believe them. Believe them the first time.
Peace Out,
susan
It brings tears to my eyes.
He really has a way with words.
She's got a way about herDoesn't it make you want to be "her"? It does me.
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anyway
She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know why it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere
Not for Billy Joel, mind you.
Subject Change:
I heard a quote to live by this week. It goes like this:
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
Isn't that simply brilliant?
How many times have we been in a relationship thinking if we just hang in there, they will change, things will be different, just a little longer. Well this is your get out of jail free card. When someone shows you who they really are, by their actions...and they will...believe them. Believe them the first time.
Peace Out,
susan
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Crazy
I have been failing miserably on the writing of the words on this here blog business. Apologies all around.
But you know its never pretty if when I have so many rambling thoughts running around in my head and cohesion is hiding in the nether regions of my mind.
Let's see. The supreme court is working on not having to make a decision on the legality of Prop 8, or DOMA, or states rights.
I really wish they would just buckle down and jump the broom.
It's inevitable. There is no stopping it.
Wait, I bet that's what Alice Paul thought in 1923.
And thousands of women, every single congressional session between 1923 and 1970.
And although women have marched for equality for minorities and the lgbt community, they have not given as much effort for their own federal protection of equal rights, and it has quietly gone away. And we've let it. And we wonder why they are shutting down planned parenthoods and denying women access to preventative health care.
I am very glad to be at the front of a three day holiday. I'm looking forward to two days of sunshine. I am going to plant some flowers and such in the yard this weekend. Maybe I'll take pictures for you of the potatoes i'm growing in a pot. yea, it's a pinterest idea that my husband thinks is a bit crazy.
He's a bit crazy. I'm learning how to navigate being married to a man with a grown son. It is very different from being married to a man with three daughters. They joke about boy stuff and I've had to explain how much of the boy jokes are very much unappreciated by the girls of the family. The good thing is that I am able to say that to him, in private of course, and he listens to me. I would give you an example, but it's quite embarrassing. But I simply explained to him that when he says inappropriate things in front of me, it gives others permission to do the same, and that's not okay. Since his brain tumour, I've had to teach him things that he used to know. Like what not to say in front of a lady (that's me).
We are watching American Idol like crazy people. We have a hometown girl in the top 8. Amber Holcomb is from our small town of 2k people. She's easy to get excited about because she is extremely talented. Her mother works at the school my daughter attends. This small Texas town is very excited.
Alright, my crazy husband just cooked me dinner, so I'm going to sign off now.
Have a great Easter holiday.
Peace and Love,
susan
But you know its never pretty if when I have so many rambling thoughts running around in my head and cohesion is hiding in the nether regions of my mind.
Let's see. The supreme court is working on not having to make a decision on the legality of Prop 8, or DOMA, or states rights.
I really wish they would just buckle down and jump the broom.
It's inevitable. There is no stopping it.
Wait, I bet that's what Alice Paul thought in 1923.
And thousands of women, every single congressional session between 1923 and 1970.
And although women have marched for equality for minorities and the lgbt community, they have not given as much effort for their own federal protection of equal rights, and it has quietly gone away. And we've let it. And we wonder why they are shutting down planned parenthoods and denying women access to preventative health care.
I am very glad to be at the front of a three day holiday. I'm looking forward to two days of sunshine. I am going to plant some flowers and such in the yard this weekend. Maybe I'll take pictures for you of the potatoes i'm growing in a pot. yea, it's a pinterest idea that my husband thinks is a bit crazy.
He's a bit crazy. I'm learning how to navigate being married to a man with a grown son. It is very different from being married to a man with three daughters. They joke about boy stuff and I've had to explain how much of the boy jokes are very much unappreciated by the girls of the family. The good thing is that I am able to say that to him, in private of course, and he listens to me. I would give you an example, but it's quite embarrassing. But I simply explained to him that when he says inappropriate things in front of me, it gives others permission to do the same, and that's not okay. Since his brain tumour, I've had to teach him things that he used to know. Like what not to say in front of a lady (that's me).
We are watching American Idol like crazy people. We have a hometown girl in the top 8. Amber Holcomb is from our small town of 2k people. She's easy to get excited about because she is extremely talented. Her mother works at the school my daughter attends. This small Texas town is very excited.
Alright, my crazy husband just cooked me dinner, so I'm going to sign off now.
Have a great Easter holiday.
Peace and Love,
susan
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Do You Know Your Bacon Number?
In the early 90's, Kevin Bacon did an article for some magazine. He made the comment that he's worked with every actor in Hollywood, or someone who's worked with them.
Six Degrees of Bacon was born.
Of course it grew out of an earlier theory put forth by some Hungarian fella named Frigyes. "Would you like some bacon?" "Frig Yes!"
So FrigginYes posited that any two people on the planet could be connected through at most five acquaintances. With today's social networking, it seems like an even more obvious theory.
At first, Mr. Bacon,...mmmm Mister Bacon...doesn't that sound delicious?
So at first Kevin Bacon didn't like this very much and felt he was being made fun of...but once he realized it put him in the spotlight again after so much isolation and nothing much going his way since Footloose...footloose...kick off your sunday shoes.please louise..pull me offa my knees..everybody cut everybody cut...okay, um so he got on board and started milking it.
Remember the Visa Check commercial in the mid 90's? He forgets his ID and the clerk won't take a check so he runs out and comes back with five people. This is my hairdresser, she is cousin to joe the landscaper, who gets his car fixed by Amy, who's married to Jack, who does your nephews taxes....So we're like Brothers! (or something kinda like that)
So mostly this Six Degrees of Bacon is a party game. It's mostly about connecting two famous people...like this.
Rock Hudson.
Rock Hudson was in the movie Beneath the 12 Mile Reef in 1953 with Robert Wagner.
Robert Wagner was in the movie Wild Things in 1998 with Kevin Bacon.
If Kevin is Bacon 0, that makes Robert Wagner Bacon 1 and Rock Hudson is Bacon 2.
Zac Efron.
Zac Efron was in a movie Hairspray in 2007 with Queen Latifah.
Queen Latifah was in Beauty Shop in 2005 with Kevin Bacon.
Hence, Zac Efron has a Bacon number of 2.
Seriously, name anyone...they are within six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. In fact, I couldn't find anyone higher than Bacon 3 to use as an example!
Here is another example.
You.
You are reading my blog right now.
I was in the movie Tin Cup with Kevin Costner in 1996.
Kevin Costner was in JFK with Kevin Bacon in 1991.
Hence, I have a Bacon number of 2 and
You have a Bacon number of 3.
Just think, when you started this post you didn't know how to answer the question, Do you Know Your Bacon Number?
In the words of my eldest,
Have a Good Bacon Day!
Peace & Bacon,
Susan
Six Degrees of Bacon was born.
Of course it grew out of an earlier theory put forth by some Hungarian fella named Frigyes. "Would you like some bacon?" "Frig Yes!"
So FrigginYes posited that any two people on the planet could be connected through at most five acquaintances. With today's social networking, it seems like an even more obvious theory.
At first, Mr. Bacon,...mmmm Mister Bacon...doesn't that sound delicious?
So at first Kevin Bacon didn't like this very much and felt he was being made fun of...but once he realized it put him in the spotlight again after so much isolation and nothing much going his way since Footloose...footloose...kick off your sunday shoes.please louise..pull me offa my knees..everybody cut everybody cut...okay, um so he got on board and started milking it.
Remember the Visa Check commercial in the mid 90's? He forgets his ID and the clerk won't take a check so he runs out and comes back with five people. This is my hairdresser, she is cousin to joe the landscaper, who gets his car fixed by Amy, who's married to Jack, who does your nephews taxes....So we're like Brothers! (or something kinda like that)
So mostly this Six Degrees of Bacon is a party game. It's mostly about connecting two famous people...like this.
Rock Hudson.
Rock Hudson was in the movie Beneath the 12 Mile Reef in 1953 with Robert Wagner.
Robert Wagner was in the movie Wild Things in 1998 with Kevin Bacon.
If Kevin is Bacon 0, that makes Robert Wagner Bacon 1 and Rock Hudson is Bacon 2.
Zac Efron.
Zac Efron was in a movie Hairspray in 2007 with Queen Latifah.
Queen Latifah was in Beauty Shop in 2005 with Kevin Bacon.
Hence, Zac Efron has a Bacon number of 2.
Seriously, name anyone...they are within six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. In fact, I couldn't find anyone higher than Bacon 3 to use as an example!
Here is another example.
You.
You are reading my blog right now.
I was in the movie Tin Cup with Kevin Costner in 1996.
Kevin Costner was in JFK with Kevin Bacon in 1991.
Hence, I have a Bacon number of 2 and
You have a Bacon number of 3.
Just think, when you started this post you didn't know how to answer the question, Do you Know Your Bacon Number?
In the words of my eldest,
Have a Good Bacon Day!
Peace & Bacon,
Susan
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Alright, Mr. DeMille
Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.
Mine was today. Channel 13 KTRK in Houston.
They did a story on the surgery I had December of 2011.
It was interesting. The camera man, Paul, of whom I was supposed to pay no mind. The reporter on the ground, Christi Meyers, staring me into speaking the next word and the next word.
It was all very quick and painless. Walk here, look there, stop, walk again.
It was two hours that will be shortened to two minutes.
It will be on the evening news Friday at 6pm.
I should be able to share it here on my blog no later than Saturday evening.
See you on the news!
Peace,
Susan
Mine was today. Channel 13 KTRK in Houston.
They did a story on the surgery I had December of 2011.
It was interesting. The camera man, Paul, of whom I was supposed to pay no mind. The reporter on the ground, Christi Meyers, staring me into speaking the next word and the next word.
It was all very quick and painless. Walk here, look there, stop, walk again.
It was two hours that will be shortened to two minutes.
It will be on the evening news Friday at 6pm.
I should be able to share it here on my blog no later than Saturday evening.
See you on the news!
Peace,
Susan
No More Buts and Likes
I think I've figured it out. Enough to put into words.
People assume/feel/think I'm doing the adoption for show.
Just to honor the man who has been my dad since I was 18 months old.
But that's not so.
If I wanted to just honor him, I could've changed my name for a few bucks and a lot less hassle.
My first memories are of a mysterious dad who lived far away, and a distant step dad with a temper. I had five older siblings, and most of them would go visit the mystery man and I would stay home and play with my little brother. When I was small I thought it was cool that we had different names because none of my friends had a brady bunch family.
When I was 14, things changed for two reasons. The first is that I spent two weeks with the mystery man and got a peek of what it would really be like if I lived with him. It wasn't the green grass I had dreamed of as a child. The second is my step dad had a heart attack. This knocked him off the A-train long enough for him to slow down and for me to learn that he did have soft spots.
Of course, then came that age where my knowledge grew exponentially and surpassed all parents on the planet everywhere. And when my superior knowledge left me and I settled back down to earth, I realized I had two of the greatest parents and the grass was pretty green on our side of the fence. It's funny how that happens.
I was in the middle, not really belonging to either Surname. Belonging solely to my mother. It's what made my maternal lineage so important to me. Maureen Butler, Kathleen Norris, Margaret O'Meara, Bridget O'Shea, Mary Butler. These are the women I came from.
Yes, my step dad has been like a father to me my entire life. BUT..
Now he is my father. I no longer have to qualify the Step with a But and a like.
I've grown up, he's grown up, my mom's grown up.
We're not perfect, but the love is unconditional.
And isn't that how its supposed to be between parents and children?
People assume/feel/think I'm doing the adoption for show.
Just to honor the man who has been my dad since I was 18 months old.
But that's not so.
If I wanted to just honor him, I could've changed my name for a few bucks and a lot less hassle.
My first memories are of a mysterious dad who lived far away, and a distant step dad with a temper. I had five older siblings, and most of them would go visit the mystery man and I would stay home and play with my little brother. When I was small I thought it was cool that we had different names because none of my friends had a brady bunch family.
When I was 14, things changed for two reasons. The first is that I spent two weeks with the mystery man and got a peek of what it would really be like if I lived with him. It wasn't the green grass I had dreamed of as a child. The second is my step dad had a heart attack. This knocked him off the A-train long enough for him to slow down and for me to learn that he did have soft spots.
Of course, then came that age where my knowledge grew exponentially and surpassed all parents on the planet everywhere. And when my superior knowledge left me and I settled back down to earth, I realized I had two of the greatest parents and the grass was pretty green on our side of the fence. It's funny how that happens.
I was in the middle, not really belonging to either Surname. Belonging solely to my mother. It's what made my maternal lineage so important to me. Maureen Butler, Kathleen Norris, Margaret O'Meara, Bridget O'Shea, Mary Butler. These are the women I came from.
Yes, my step dad has been like a father to me my entire life. BUT..
Now he is my father. I no longer have to qualify the Step with a But and a like.
I've grown up, he's grown up, my mom's grown up.
We're not perfect, but the love is unconditional.
And isn't that how its supposed to be between parents and children?
This Final Judgment of Adoption creates a relationship between the adoptee and Petitioner and all relatives of Petitioner that would have existed if the adoptee was a blood descendant of the Petitioner, born within wedlock, entitled to all rights and privileges thereof, and subject to all obligations of a child being born to Petitioner.
The adult adoptee shall hereafter be known as: Susan Jean Cogar-Daniels
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Ms. Cogar Hyphen Daniels
I'm in Florida this weekend.
I am here for a court date tomorrow morning.
I will get up in the morning, have coffee with mom and dad, put on my pretty peach and brown dress, and tan heels, drive to the courthouse, and make my dad legit.
I don't want to get all mushy and sentimental; but I will tell you that tomorrow will rank in the top five most important days of my life. Just slightly behind the birth of my three daughters, and the day I committed my life to my husband's.
I will finally belong. All the way. No steps, no halves.
I've had several people ask me, "why is it important...now?" I am 43 and my soon to be former step dad has been my dad since I was 2. What difference does it make if he adopts you now.
It's a very difficult question to answer. It is so important to me that my feelings have a difficult time translating to words. Words are inadequate.
In fact I've tried to explain it here and I've deleted several paragraphs that were altogether inadequate. I simply cannot express myself. I will try again at another time perhaps.
Suffice it to say I am getting adopted tomorrow and I couldn't be happier.
Thanks mom, thanks dad.
I love you both.
xxoo -sue
I am here for a court date tomorrow morning.
I will get up in the morning, have coffee with mom and dad, put on my pretty peach and brown dress, and tan heels, drive to the courthouse, and make my dad legit.
I don't want to get all mushy and sentimental; but I will tell you that tomorrow will rank in the top five most important days of my life. Just slightly behind the birth of my three daughters, and the day I committed my life to my husband's.
I will finally belong. All the way. No steps, no halves.
I've had several people ask me, "why is it important...now?" I am 43 and my soon to be former step dad has been my dad since I was 2. What difference does it make if he adopts you now.
It's a very difficult question to answer. It is so important to me that my feelings have a difficult time translating to words. Words are inadequate.
In fact I've tried to explain it here and I've deleted several paragraphs that were altogether inadequate. I simply cannot express myself. I will try again at another time perhaps.
Suffice it to say I am getting adopted tomorrow and I couldn't be happier.
Thanks mom, thanks dad.
I love you both.
xxoo -sue
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
New Year Foraging
Happy New Year.
New beginnings.
Fresh starts.
Twice a year I have a no grocery buying mandate in the house. The latest began January 1st of this year. The idea is to eat what is currently in the pantry and freezer. It usually saves us a weeks worth of grocery buying, which amounts to about $200 savings twice a year. We are currently on day 9 of our "Eat What We've Got" mandate. It is great for cleaning out the freezer and pantry and being able to start fresh.
Last night I made a list of what food was left and put it on the fridge door for everyone to see. We are down to the following:
Sunday I made a meal of brussel sprouts, 3 cheese tortellini with stewed tomatoes, green beans, and cheese biscuits. I also cooked up some frozen cut up pork loin and poured korean bbq sauce over it. very yummy. I love Eat What We've Got week! Sadly, I am the only one.
Tonite we are having chicken, dressing, gravy, & green beans. mmmm.
Peace,
Susan
New beginnings.
Fresh starts.
Twice a year I have a no grocery buying mandate in the house. The latest began January 1st of this year. The idea is to eat what is currently in the pantry and freezer. It usually saves us a weeks worth of grocery buying, which amounts to about $200 savings twice a year. We are currently on day 9 of our "Eat What We've Got" mandate. It is great for cleaning out the freezer and pantry and being able to start fresh.
Last night I made a list of what food was left and put it on the fridge door for everyone to see. We are down to the following:
- frozen waffles
- syrup
- frozen corn
- frozen greenbeans
- frozen chicken breasts
- cornbread
- cinnamon rolls
- cream of celery soup
- jasmine rice
- bowtie noodles
- hungry jack biscuit mix
- saltines
- vienna sausages
- pet milk
- cheerios
- frozen left over Christmas dressing
- jar of turkey gravy
Sunday I made a meal of brussel sprouts, 3 cheese tortellini with stewed tomatoes, green beans, and cheese biscuits. I also cooked up some frozen cut up pork loin and poured korean bbq sauce over it. very yummy. I love Eat What We've Got week! Sadly, I am the only one.
Tonite we are having chicken, dressing, gravy, & green beans. mmmm.
Peace,
Susan
Insight into my Psyche. At your own risk.
I love dreams.
It is very normal for me to remember 2-4 dreams upon waking each morning.
Many times when I lie down to go to sleep, the people and events from my dreams the night before will come to mind as if I had just come awake from the dream only minutes and not hours before.
Sometimes I fancy that my dream world is just another reality that I get to visit while I sleep. Sometimes in my dreams, I am looking at a realistic situation through someone else's eyes and I can't help but wonder if it is more than just a dream. In these situations, I've seen through the eyes of a male cop, a teen convenient store worker, a street person, and several more. It's always very realistic, not weird dream-like instances, and it's only for a few minutes at a time. So you can see why it feels so real. I am not saying it is real, I'm saying it feels real. So don't send the men in white coats. Yet.
I was cleaning out some computer files and I came across a word doc. where I had written a dream from 2005. I'm just going to copy it here and share it with you exactly as I had written it for myself so many years ago.
It is very normal for me to remember 2-4 dreams upon waking each morning.
Many times when I lie down to go to sleep, the people and events from my dreams the night before will come to mind as if I had just come awake from the dream only minutes and not hours before.
Sometimes I fancy that my dream world is just another reality that I get to visit while I sleep. Sometimes in my dreams, I am looking at a realistic situation through someone else's eyes and I can't help but wonder if it is more than just a dream. In these situations, I've seen through the eyes of a male cop, a teen convenient store worker, a street person, and several more. It's always very realistic, not weird dream-like instances, and it's only for a few minutes at a time. So you can see why it feels so real. I am not saying it is real, I'm saying it feels real. So don't send the men in white coats. Yet.
I was cleaning out some computer files and I came across a word doc. where I had written a dream from 2005. I'm just going to copy it here and share it with you exactly as I had written it for myself so many years ago.
I went into a room where I felt I was not supposed to be.
There was a bed and I was expected to bathe a naked man lying on the bed. There
was water flowing over the man and the bed. I tried to hide the fact that I
didn’t belong and began to direct the flow of water over his body. I was myself
at the same time I was him.
Then from the side of the bed, Jesus appeared and began
sliding down into the water. I told the man on the bed that He was drowning,
but it was too late. His face submerged into the water and His soul, like a
breath, entered my body on the opposite side of the bed.
I was confused for a moment and when I opened my eyes, I
realized I was in the future. The colors of my surroundings were brighter and
clearer in color. I realized I was Jesus. I was Jesus in the body of an awkward
looking teenage boy. I was scrawny, black-haired, with acne. I was working
behind the counter at a five and dime type store. I was at the same time this
boy and a customer observing myself.
The boy behind the counter had to leave the register and
step outside…when he left the other patrons tried to steal what was on the
counter. I stepped in to stop them from taking anything.
When I stirred between that dream and being awake, it
occurred to me that Christ is within us all and we should remember that he is
in others around us and treat them accordingly.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
JANUARY IS CERVICAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH
January is cervical cancer awareness month and I am here to spread the word!
So here are a few things you need to know.
HPV is a virus that can cause cervical cancer. More than half of all sexually active men and women have or have had HPV at some point in their life. Sometimes it is harmless and clears up without the person even knowing they had HPV. Other times it can cause genital warts, or like in my case, they can cause cervical lesions that can develop into cancer if left undetected.
Only 40% of women ages 18-75 have ever heard of HPV. I am determined to increase this percentage.
More than 12,000 women will be diagnosed with cervical cancer this year. One third of them will die.
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2011. I've had two sexual partners in my lifetime, I only drank on special occasions, I've smoked a total of maybe two packs of cigarettes my entire life, I'd been married to the same man for 22 years. I was on the chubby side most of my life, but enjoyed eating fresh food from the farmers market.
After my third daughter was born, I ceased taking birth control pills, as I knew they made me a higher risk for breast cancer. And because I had been married to the same man for 12 years, I did not think it important to have my annual pap smear. When I finally got around to it, in 2009, it was because I was having discomfort in my pelvic region. Nothing too painful, but I was taking care of my husband after a motorcycle wreck, and I didn't want to be one of those women who neglected herself because they were caring for others. I had heard that story many times, and I like to learn from others mistakes.
So I went to my doctor of 20 years and he did a pap smear. Then he sent me over to the hospital that very day to have a vaginal ultrasound to check my ovaries. They poked around and prodded and he said my ovaries were fine and I went home. I never called back to see what my pap smear result was. Fast forward two years and I have vaginal bleeding during intercourse. I return to my doctor and he immediately tries to get me to a specialist. No one he knows is on my insurance. So I get myself an appointment with a Women's Clinic and they immediately send me to the Gyn-Oncologist.
My regular doctor faxes over some paperwork and there, on the side of my 2009 pap smear results, it shows that I had a bad pap smear, and they tried to reach me by phone and didn't get hold of me.
Never mind they had my mailing address and managed to send me bills. Never mind that I had been in the office numerous times in those two years with my daughters and/or husband.
You cannot count on someone else to take care of you. You cannot trust others to know what is best for you. You have to take charge of yourself, you have to advocate for yourself, you have to demand good care for yourself.
HPV can be contracted from one partner, remain dormant, and then later be unknowingly transmitted to another sexual partner, including a spouse.
HPV can infect anyone who has ever had a sexual encounter. HPV is spread through skin to skin contact, not through the exchange of bodily fluid.
Learn more about HPV and cervical cancer at www.nccc-online.org. They provided me with the facts for my post today.
So here are a few things you need to know.
HPV is a virus that can cause cervical cancer. More than half of all sexually active men and women have or have had HPV at some point in their life. Sometimes it is harmless and clears up without the person even knowing they had HPV. Other times it can cause genital warts, or like in my case, they can cause cervical lesions that can develop into cancer if left undetected.
Only 40% of women ages 18-75 have ever heard of HPV. I am determined to increase this percentage.
More than 12,000 women will be diagnosed with cervical cancer this year. One third of them will die.
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2011. I've had two sexual partners in my lifetime, I only drank on special occasions, I've smoked a total of maybe two packs of cigarettes my entire life, I'd been married to the same man for 22 years. I was on the chubby side most of my life, but enjoyed eating fresh food from the farmers market.
After my third daughter was born, I ceased taking birth control pills, as I knew they made me a higher risk for breast cancer. And because I had been married to the same man for 12 years, I did not think it important to have my annual pap smear. When I finally got around to it, in 2009, it was because I was having discomfort in my pelvic region. Nothing too painful, but I was taking care of my husband after a motorcycle wreck, and I didn't want to be one of those women who neglected herself because they were caring for others. I had heard that story many times, and I like to learn from others mistakes.
So I went to my doctor of 20 years and he did a pap smear. Then he sent me over to the hospital that very day to have a vaginal ultrasound to check my ovaries. They poked around and prodded and he said my ovaries were fine and I went home. I never called back to see what my pap smear result was. Fast forward two years and I have vaginal bleeding during intercourse. I return to my doctor and he immediately tries to get me to a specialist. No one he knows is on my insurance. So I get myself an appointment with a Women's Clinic and they immediately send me to the Gyn-Oncologist.
My regular doctor faxes over some paperwork and there, on the side of my 2009 pap smear results, it shows that I had a bad pap smear, and they tried to reach me by phone and didn't get hold of me.
Never mind they had my mailing address and managed to send me bills. Never mind that I had been in the office numerous times in those two years with my daughters and/or husband.
You cannot count on someone else to take care of you. You cannot trust others to know what is best for you. You have to take charge of yourself, you have to advocate for yourself, you have to demand good care for yourself.
HPV can be contracted from one partner, remain dormant, and then later be unknowingly transmitted to another sexual partner, including a spouse.
HPV can infect anyone who has ever had a sexual encounter. HPV is spread through skin to skin contact, not through the exchange of bodily fluid.
Learn more about HPV and cervical cancer at www.nccc-online.org. They provided me with the facts for my post today.
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