Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Today has been particularly difficult for me. Its one of those days where tears form and I have no words to explain them. I had to force myself out of bed as the muscle spasms of being horizontal for too long won out over the need to lie prone and not face the day. I don't know where Boxing Day went, I woke up this morning and it was gone.

Once again, the blogosphere was there for me when I most needed something to help me look past myself. Is it a crutch?

I am trying to place my first order of supplies for my ostomies. I have a catalogue and a website. I am the purchasing agent where I work, it shouldn't be difficult. It seems to be Mt. Ranier at the moment. Not to worry, it will get done.

I am going to do some light housework now to set my mind to rights.

Hey, its not all gingerbread and gumdrops.


Saturday, December 24, 2011

Ready for the day

Merry Christmas Eve!
I have several drafts written this week that are altogether too boring too post right now.
I have been catching up on my blog reading and have sat here and smiled and smiled. I'm not sure what this says about me exactly, but the blogs I follow really do enrich my life. I have just caught up on the last six posts of ConjugatingIrregularVerbs and I feel so warm and fuzzy and ready to start the day with a smile on my face.

I am solidly on a path to my new normal. I am getting around without the walker, I can sit for short periods on very soft chairs, my pain is minimal. Although my discomfort is pretty high. I see doctors at least twice a week and I don't even mind because it gets me out of the house.

Well, I better go, my seat is getting hard. : )

Merry Christmas,

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Night Before Surgery

I do feel the need to go back to November 30th and pick up where I left off with all the details surrounding my health. If anyone, in the present or future, comes across this blog as a resource for their own journey through cervical cancer, I want them to know all I can tell them. I found many stories when I was looking but they were very incomplete.

Last we talked, I was doing a bowel prep with magnesium citrate. The next morning I went to the hospital to have the urinary embolism. It took a LONG time to prep for surgery, about 3 hours. While I was waiting, I asked if I could talk to the anesthesiologist who would be involved in my pelvic exenteration the following day. They thought this was a very strange request. The head of the department came and asked me what the problem was; I told him there was no problem, I just wanted to talk to whomever would be putting me under and taking care of me for 12 hours. He said the schedule wasn't set yet, but he could answer any questions I had, etc. I told him I didn't have any questions, I just wanted to meet the person. He started explaining to me the process of how they would go about it, etc. I finally explained to him what I wanted while I was being put under. I wanted him to repeat five times as I was going under "Your surgery will go well and you will heal quickly", and that I did not want him to mention the word pain, as in "you will feel no pain when you wake up". I also wanted, after surgery, for him to tell me "Your surgery went well and you will heal quickly" several times.  He said that would be no problem and he usually spoke positive words as a regular service : )  Turns out he was my anesthesiologist the next day.  by the way, I think he also suggested I would crave cornbread after surgery, cuz I still want it.

They kept me overnight because they said the embolism would be too painful to control at home. I was hooked up to a morphine pump all night and I have to say there was no pain at all. What a relief.

The next morning is a bit of a blur, but mostly consisted of doctors coming through to say hello while i sat in my gown, wishing i had shaved my legs more recently.

I remember waking up in a darkened room with two nurses who could apparently go home now that I had come around. They immediately wheeled me to ICU and I was put in a room with two male nurses to care for me. I was a bit paranoid and thought something had gone wrong. It seemed like everyone was whispering and I heard someone say it went much quicker than anticipated. That, combined with the drugs, made me feel that things had not gone well and why wouldn't someone tell me? My breathing became erratic, my heartbeat was over 125, my blood pressure was about 80/50. When I asked my nurse, he told me not to worry. That ticked me off. So when my doctor came in to see me and assured me everything went really well, the first thing I did was tell her to get me a new nurse. She did. Within 5 minutes she had me wheeled to the other side of the ICU unit where I really liked my new nurse.

If there is any gift at all I can give to you, it would be the courage to stand up and control your medical care. Understand what is happening, why its happening, and demand good service as you would from anywhere you are laying down your hard earned money.

I'll share more later.

Peace & Love,

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Taa Daa

Hello! I made it :) Well, to be more truthful, I'm making it.
I have lots to tell you, and I am very thankful to Mona for going the extra mile to help me get back onto the blogosphere. I am unable to be in a sitting position, so I am lying here in bed, typing away. I will probably keep this first one short, as I am still a bit shaky.

I have so much to say, I suppose I will start with a bit of an update. The surgery went well, they got out all the bits they went after, and the biopsy shows they got all the cancer out of my body. My post op dream agreed with the biopsy; I'll share that with you later.

I came home from the hospital on Monday, I am getting around the house okay, but I can only lie down or stand up. This is challenging.

Mom went home on Thursday and that was hard. I spent the next 24 hours crying at the drop of a hat. Hubby was very sweet about it.

Okay, I'm rambling and I don't have a main point here. Just want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words both here on the blog and on my personal email. It really helps when I feel like I have my own personal cheer team.

Peace & Love,