Be Ready

Myself has been slowly slipping away over the past month. I can't put my finger on exactly when it started moving away from me, only that the past two weeks it has been very apparent that I am no where nearby.

I signed up for a retreat this morning. It's a TM retreat NW of San Antonio at the end of the month. I need a tune up. I am very excited about it and can't wait to share with you my experiences and I hope to have myself back by that time.

One of the benefits of TM is learning the difference between your mind and your spirit. When I was younger, I thought my mind was my spirit. Boy, was I dumb. Ha, I ain't like that no more. (one of my favorite Bette Midler songs). It's very beneficial to me when my mind starts talking crazy stupid noisy meaningless garbage to be able to 1) know those thoughts are simply neurons and electrical impulses 2) they are not me, they are not my spirit and best of all 3) I can quiet the thoughts and plug in to my spirit. 

Have you ever heard anyone call the television an idiot box? Truth right there. But sometimes I feel like my mind is an idiot box. It just goes round and round and comes up with nothing but noise. Just noise.

I've started watching an HBO Series called The Big C - hereafter. I watched the season premiere last night and it had so much truth in it that I cried a little bit. I look forward to watching more. Truth is good. Why is it sometimes others can voice our truth better than we can? I mean, I felt those same things, but wasn't able to verbalize it or even write it here in my safe, truth zone. Isn't it interesting that someone else could be holding your truth right now and they and you don't even know it. Not until you hear it in their dialogue, or hear it in their music, or see it in their art, or see it in their eyes. And when you see it, don't deny it. See it for the truth it is and claim it if it is yours. Be ready.

Peace and Love,
Susan

Ode to JOJ

James Odis Johnson.

I've known Jamey since I was 20 years old and went to work for the lab. He was a lab supervisor and I was the secretary. We didn't really work together much at the beginning. We were all so young. The lab techs used to call him Dad. It was an exciting time with the company; a time when the supervisor would not go home until every last field tech had come in off the road; a time we worked together as a team, when you did your job, and then helped everyone else until it was all finished. I typed reports on a typewriter, I ran TSS's, I knew how to take off and calculate BOD's; we were more of a family then.

When I'd been here a few years, Jamey and I started working more closely together on reporting. I finally had a computer to do my reports, and Jamey checked those reports. I know his signature as well as I know my own. We were both easy going and we worked well together. He liked to make things easy for people. He laughed alot.

The years passed, we all got older, our children got older. Jamey was very proud of his children. All three graduated from college, his son has plans to get married. When they all moved out, things got a bit rough for Jamey. The past three to four years haven't been so good for him. He was unhappy all around and couldn't seem to find himself. Using all the wrong tools to look. He was lost.

When work gets muddied with people you love, it gets hard. Not impossible, but difficult for sure. In the end, he left the company. Only two months ago. He died Wednesday morning.

I will remember the good times.

They Grow Up Fast!

      This picture was taken in August of 2005. My little blue eyes was only four years old. I can remember how her little hands would feel on my neck. Little baby hands, the sweet smell of baby sweat and sunscreen in the summertime, tying little sneakers. Baby sweat and sunscreen is a particular favorite of mine. I would hug her up, close my eyes, and breathe in her childhood.

     She's going to be twelve this summer. She puts on makeup at home, and has gotten around the rules a couple times and worn some at school. She shares clothes and shoes with her 21 and 23 year old sisters. She has A's in school and one B. Don't dare ask her if the B is in math or science, that makes her indignant that one would assume it is math or science that would be her troubling subject.

    

   She is growing up and I am hanging on to those last few kid years. I've signed her up for two different girl scout camps this summer. One close by and the other on the coast. I keep telling myself, she's only 11, she's only 11. But she's only one inch shorter than me and can really take care of herself. She gets up in the morning before I do, because after all those years of having to threaten her to get her to bathe, she now gets up early and showers daily. There are some advantages to growing up.