That's right, you're not from Texas

I want.
I have an entire laundry list of wants.
I won't even bore you with their mundaneness [i'm not sure that's a word].
I could get for six months straight and I don't think it would put a dent in my wants.

Sure I know I'm supposed to be satisfied with what I have, but I'm not. Well, yesterday I was, but today I'm not. Don't judge me.

So this morning started off with a laugh. My husband's son came down the hall wearing his sisters pajama pants. Pink with tiny maroon diamonds. Very funny. He needs a moniker. He will henceforth be known as The Major. He is my husband's son and not my step son because he is only two years younger than me and that would be weird. He has a beautiful ten year old son whom I adore. Having raised three girls, I am often awkward around boys. They have coodies. Which generally means I just don't get them. But when he is not annoying the Diva and generally acting coodie-filled, there are small moments when we connect. He has an amazing dimple smile and of course can be an absolute brat as only ten year old boys can be.

Well I guess today's post has no particular theme. It's beautiful outside and Josh Groban is singing with his angel like voice over my speakers. The name of the song is Thankful. Its actually off his Holiday album, which is suiting since I only yesterday put my Christmas decorations up into the attic. I said don't judge me.

You say you're not from Texas, man as if i couldn't tell.  Those are Lyle's words coming over the speakers now. My music collection is a little eclectic. That's right you're not from Texas, but Texas wants you anyway. This song is awesome.

Alright, I really need to stop writing until I have something cohesive to present to you. I hope you have a fabulous weekend, because I intend to fulfill a few of my wants this weekend. I hope you do too.

Tid bits

This is me avoiding a post about King D. I will need to pin it down soon, but right now I am listening to a most awesome song by Corinne Bailey Rae and it makes me happy and light...so I'm going with that.

My Dreamer called and asked me to come to a Women's Retreat at her Bible college. I like to please my Dreamer so I said yes. It is so important to her and she tells me all the time that she is praying for me. I can use all the prayer I can get and so I am grateful.

I suspect I will be uncomfortable most of the time. It is the type of place where people wear their so called Christian love on their faces with fake teethy smiles. They use those soft voices of understanding while privately judging you. They have the tv in the cafe set on Fox News.  Yes, it will be brutal. But I love her very much and I want her to know that I support her. I will probably talk more about it later.

Well, that wasn't very light, now was it.

The sun is shining after a cleansing rain and I am feeling good. I am happy. I am content. I spent time with my Diva last night and we laughed and laughed. She has an amazing sense of humour and I completely appreciate it. Her older sisters are coming home in a couple weeks and I do not look forward to the change in Diva's personality that comes with their presence. She become a little beligerent and is demanding of their attention. I have so much more fun with her when its just us.

I worry about the Wisconsin unions. Someone told me this morning the teachers there get paid $80,000+ a year and they should have their pay cut. Now, honestly, who would really believe that? I looked it up online at teacherportal.com and showed them that Wisconsin teachers average salary is $46K and they have already conceded pay. But really, why do people believe everything they hear on Fox news? Think People!

Alright, that's all I've got today.
Over and Out.

The Shoes Blues

Are these not the hottest little Sex and the City shoes or what? Navy blue with tiny little polka dots. If only I had someplace to wear them...some event  where I only had to walk about ten feet and lasted less than two hours an hour. I could stand there, drinking my cosmopolitan, and rocking these sexy shoes!

Romance

King D sent me flowers for Valentines Day with a note that read "I love your rack - D"

Liam Neeson

I haven't felt much like writing these past few days. I've started a few posts but they are sitting there mocking me as drafts will do. I haven't even kept up with my blog reading as I usually do. But this morning I read the Esquire article with Liam Neeson. Everytime I see him I think of his beautiful wife and how quickly and unexpectedly she was ripped from this world. His beautiful northern brogue played in my head as I read his words. He talked about his motorcycle accident in 2000. He didn't find out until later that the doctors had told his wife he wouldn't live through the night. He told how they argued about it months later:

Darlin', if they told you I wasn't going to last the night, why'd you not get a priest in? I said, I know I'm a lapsed Catholic, but at least give me the last rites, you know? She said, Had I told you, then you would have known that you might be dying.

The article is worth a read.
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/liam-neeson-0311-3#ixzz1E8tYDlD4
 
But I guess what I want to say is that when he lived through his motorcycle accident, I can imagine the relief they felt about getting through such a difficult time. They probably felt a little safer. Because bad things don't keep happening. They had survived their hardship, now it would be well deserved blue skies from here on out. They had paid their dues. They were grateful for their second chance and they didn't waste it. It brought them closer and their family was stronger. They were in the clear.
 
But they were wrong.

Music is Great Medicine

My nine year old diva and I were in the car, driving to where I cannot recall. Yes, it was only 2-3 days ago, but really...I can't remember where we were going. She put the music CD her sister made for her when she left for college. She starts singing along and I have to tell you, I was impressed. She knew every word, every "yea" and "huh" in the entire song. I don't know many nine year olds...how many know Soul Man by Sam & Dave? I smiled the entire trip. Listen to Sam & Dave's "Soul Man"

We have the CD loaded on our computer at home. That evening, we were counting girl scout cookies and had the music going loud. We look over in the kitchen and King D (aka hubby, aka uncle ira, aka diva's dad) has the oven door open, because it is C O L D, and he is shaking his booty and dancing with the heat coming out of the oven! That CD my senator made is like a magic balm. My diva said "Seeing you dance is how I know I have my old daddy back".

So today I took King D to a doctors appointment. It's a sixty mile trek, but fifty of that is through some beautiful countryside. The sun was shining and the sky was the color of his eyes. On the way back we were at a red light when All These Things that I've Done by The Killers came on (same CD) and we rolled down the windows, cranked up the music and sang really loud!

Moments like these are healing. The music is a catalyst. It lifts our spirits and connects us to one another.

Oh, and by the way, when I Believe in Miracles by The Ramones came on, King D says, "That's one of my favorite songs". I said, "why?" and he said "Because I think of you every time I hear it".  aw shucks.

Nothing Much

It's funny, I can go all evening long just ranting and raving an entire blog in my head. Yet I sit at the computer and I have forgotten all of it. That seems to happen to me quite a bit. I will have to start jotting down my ideas so I can write about them later.

I've been doing lots more. The whole think less do more is working brilliantly. Only it turns out I can think bunches while I'm actually doing. So I probably need to tweak my new motto a bit. Any suggestions?

I also need a new nickname for my hubby. His Invasion of the Body Snatchers moniker isn't holding true anymore. He is somewhat himself, but not really. He is really quite sweet, he is doing chores about the house on a daily basis, and he smiles like a child. Spontaneously and genuinely.  Any suggestions?

It has been really cold here today. It snowed this morning. Not what my brother would call snow, but he lives in Minnesota. Here in Texas we call it snow even when it melts before it hits the ground. This morning it actually accumulated on the picnic table. We could have made a three inch high snowman; but honestly, it was too cold to go outside. I've lived in East Texas for almost thirty years now and if we saw several inches of snow once every decade, we were delightfully surprised. Now we are seeing it every year and I have to tell you, I'm not very delighted. Not delighted at all.

Think Less. Do More.

I think too much. This occurred to me last night while lying in bed, waiting for sleep to come. I need to think less and do more. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking and a minuscule amount of time doing.

For instance, I have spent hours thinking about cleaning out my closet, hanging wire racks for my clothes, and picturing the finished closet.  In reality, I'm afraid to open my closet door right now. Seriously, I haven't opened it since I moved into that bedroom. It used to belong to my daughters. I'm afraid.

I spend a lot of time at work thinking about what I need to do when I get home. I need to wash a load of towels, empty the dishwasher, prepare the guest room for our weekend guest. So what did I do last night when I got home? I took a hot bath, spent thirty excrutiating minutes sitting with my hubby watching basketball, watched Castle and went to bed. There I lay, thinking about all the things I didn't get done that day.

Then it hit me: I need to think less and do more. So that has been my mantra today and I have already gotten so much done that I am thinking about having it tattooed somewhere on my body.

Let's Dance

I have my first Follower! Yay Aidan!

So I am feeling very centered these past few days. I feel like myself again. It is what it is and everything is going to be alright. I had to look inside myself at who I am and pull her out front again. I had to dust off my optimism and wrap it around my shoulders. It feels good, it feels comfortable.

I've got my dancing shoes on and I'm ready to rock n roll =)

                                       

Music & Memories

I'm listening to a playlist I created in 2007. Isn't it fantastic the way music can carry you back to a specific time in your life and revive memories in such a vivid way? What's funny about this playlist is it doesn't exactly revive memories so much as it revives feelings, wants, dare I say desires.

I created this playlist while I was playing with fire. I wanted a little sugar in my bowl...I wanted a little steam on my clothes...as Nina Simone croons on my playlist. It was the summer of my discontent. I never did cross the line to the dark side, but I was tempting the gods with my toe on the line saying 'nananana'. I think I might've even jumped up and down on the line, waiting for a double dog dare from the universe. It never came.

So every now and then, I put this playlist on, after all it has everyone from Bob Dylan to Michael Buble to Billie Holiday, it is an amazing compilation of raw and sexy music. And when I listen it rather stirs up those feelings of wanting to ditch my responsibilities, the memories of wanting to leap across the line. It makes me yearn for that summer when everything was abyfresh and exciting.

Man Love

Hearing a man tell his son "I love you" is a beautiful sound. It ranks right up there with hearing my children laugh. I'm not sure why it is so special. Maybe because I was born at the edge of a generation where men did not use those words with one another. My own dad is uncomfortable using those words with his son. I tell my dad I love him at the end of every phone conversation and I've never noticed a hesitancy in saying it right back to me. I only learned from my brother last year that those same words that are given so freely to me are withheld from him. I was surprised and a little dismayed.

It is one of those things about my husband that I really admire. He has no trouble saying I love you. I hear him say it to his brother and he even says it to his brothers life partner. This is even more amazing to me because my husband is more from my father's generation than my own. He was brought up in a world where being in touch with your feminine side could get your ass kicked. I like to think I've had something to do with his softer side, that raising three daughters with him has shown him a sweeter, gentler side of life. But I don't know, that just seems to be who he is.

 Now that he has reconciled with his grown son, I have the priviledge of hearing him tell his son he loves him at the end of every phone conversation. It is a sweet sound indeed.