The Gaps

the corner I've turned this week leads me to gaps of time where the grief is not all consuming i can go ten to fifteen minutes at a time when my thoughts are with the living i have space to breathe and then i suddenly remember, and sometimes it brings me to my knees. Quite literally more than once. and sometimes i suddenly remember and i am still standing...what is this? I am still breathing...there is a flicker of hope

Week 3

 20 days

Going to work every day. Make it through the day. Get home and cry for hours on end. rinse, repeat.

maybe tomorrow will be different.

Messages from him everywhere I look. But can't find him anywhere I look.

My stupid thoughts on the universe and how it works mean nothing anymore. I know nothing. No one knows anything. 

Week 1 - a fog. shock

Week 2 - sheer and total pain

Week 3 - more tears than I thought a body could hold

quicksand

 I want to go home and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

The one thing that stops me is knowing I have to get out of bed again.

Every breath, every step, every motion, is an effort.

Time is slowing down and speeding up with no rhyme or reason.

Like Alice, my world is topsy turvy.

what makes us human

 the fog is beginning to clear

now there is pain

the goal is to not be all consumed by the pain

hold up my head and take a deep breath before the wave of pain washes over me again

accept what is

repeating over and over

thank you for everything. i have no complaints whatsoever.